my promise..

Let me share with you my story, my story on how I became a member of the SFC community. But first let me tell you something about me before I joined the community. I was what you would call your typical angry, rebellious church-going hypocrite Christian. I was angry because I find my life to be dull and frustrating at times. I was rebellious because I was young and I see my parents as the enemy, watching my every move and always meddling with my life. Yes I do attend mass, but I was just there for the reason my parents wanted me there. I was a hypocrite also because I attend but I never listen, I tell my brother and sister the right things to do but I rarely or never do it myself. Most of the time I attend mass just because my crush attends the same service as my parents do. Pathetic, I know. Well that was me back in high school and college. Then when I graduated from college, I was so full of myself, so arrogant that I proclaimed myself as the best of among my siblings. I am now a college graduate and with a degree in one of the highest-paying profession. (So I thought. The “high-paying” profession was not so “high-paying” after all). I often tell my brother that someday I will be far richer than him. That was how I saw life, a ladder to climb, the higher you get the better your life would be. My life revolved around making money. I wanted to accumulate as much wealth as I can. Barely a year after college I took the board exams to obtain a license to practice my profession. Thank God I passed. But back then I never really thanked God. Instead I put myself on a pedestal and became more egotistic. At that time I was one of the youngest to pass the board exams, which only fueled my ego. Then I left my work, I told myself “hey I'm now a licensed professional. I should practice on my own. Screw working for somebody and making them rich with all my talents and skills.” You see? Pig-headed. Just writing makes me laugh, “Boy was I a real @#%!” Then when I left my work, banking on my ego and complete belief in my superiority over others. I had projects coming left and right, then I was picked by one government consulting firm to be their point person for their projects I never told anybody of my job, even my family. 

Months passed and I continued working for this firm. I lived a life of a one-day-millionaire. I would eat at the most expensive restaurants. Buy a lot of stuff I don’t really need, but bought it because it was a status thing. Then I gambled, and gambled a lot. I never questioned the legality and morality of what I was doing. I always turned a blind eye. I was young and naïve back then. One day I was asked to join a private meeting between a certain government official and the owner and CEO of my firm. It was the first time for me to join in this kind of meeting. What happened in that conference room shocked me. See it was an election year, (wait should I be writing this?). Well I’ll leave the rest for your imagination. It hit me so hard that the very next day I quit and told them I don’t want to do anything with them anymore. Even if they still owe me more than a million I left.

So I left, I took what was left of my money and gave it to my parents, and told them about my secret life. They didn’t want to do anything with the money as they said it was “dirty money”. But I persuaded them to take it as I told them I worked hard for it and sacrificed a lot. I took some and gave it to my brother to help them with their wedding. So there was I broke and miserable. Feeling so much guilt and hate for myself. After 3 months of bumming around I found work in one of the Philippine’s big firms. It was just near our place so I decided to take the job. Now I was working for less than 15,000 a month for 5x the work load. It was difficult for me from the start but it was honest work. For a while I was satisfied with my day job. Still I was feeling this void in me that something was missing.

I had this female friend back in college, whom I courted 4 times already and got dumped every time. You could say even though we never really became more than friends, we were best friends. She was my confidant and I was her shoulder to cry on. It was the closest I had for a relationship. Anyway we still maintained our friendship despite the fact that she can never really see me as a boyfriend. She was always there for me, I guess she was the one responsible for filling the void that I was experiencing. See I loved her since the day I met her. So we spent a lot of times together. Though I promised her that I would accept the fact that we can never be a couple, I took the chance. I courted her again. I know, “what?!” Well I loved her, what can I say. Knowing that she would say no again, I braced myself. To my surprise, she consented that I may court her for a fifth time. I know, “say what?!” But it was not without a pre-requisite, she said that she would only be interested in a relationship with a member of SFC. I told myself “WHAT?! She’s got to be kidding. Me an SFC member? Now that’s scary”. But I agreed, eh mahal ko na eh, kahit ano game na! so I promised her that I would join SFC. Then she explained that it was 13 Saturdays. Shocked as I was, I didn’t mind. If it would mean that I would finally have her love. But the next CLP (Christian Life Program) was 6 months away plus 3 months for the CLP, it meant it would take at least another 9 months before she can decide if I was the one for her. I already waited 6 years and now this? I grew frustrated, my impatience got to me. I easily got angry and at times tired. But still I stayed the course. But after 4 months I grew tired and told her that I can’t do it any longer. It was too difficult already for me. Never did I expect what would happen next. She cried. But then she said in a sobbing voice, “I already love you, I always did”. And there I was speechless. She and I was now a couple. All that’s left was for me to keep my promise. 2 months later I joined the CLP. Fulfilling my promise.