my promise..

Let me share with you my story, my story on how I became a member of the SFC community. But first let me tell you something about me before I joined the community. I was what you would call your typical angry, rebellious church-going hypocrite Christian. I was angry because I find my life to be dull and frustrating at times. I was rebellious because I was young and I see my parents as the enemy, watching my every move and always meddling with my life. Yes I do attend mass, but I was just there for the reason my parents wanted me there. I was a hypocrite also because I attend but I never listen, I tell my brother and sister the right things to do but I rarely or never do it myself. Most of the time I attend mass just because my crush attends the same service as my parents do. Pathetic, I know. Well that was me back in high school and college. Then when I graduated from college, I was so full of myself, so arrogant that I proclaimed myself as the best of among my siblings. I am now a college graduate and with a degree in one of the highest-paying profession. (So I thought. The “high-paying” profession was not so “high-paying” after all). I often tell my brother that someday I will be far richer than him. That was how I saw life, a ladder to climb, the higher you get the better your life would be. My life revolved around making money. I wanted to accumulate as much wealth as I can. Barely a year after college I took the board exams to obtain a license to practice my profession. Thank God I passed. But back then I never really thanked God. Instead I put myself on a pedestal and became more egotistic. At that time I was one of the youngest to pass the board exams, which only fueled my ego. Then I left my work, I told myself “hey I'm now a licensed professional. I should practice on my own. Screw working for somebody and making them rich with all my talents and skills.” You see? Pig-headed. Just writing makes me laugh, “Boy was I a real @#%!” Then when I left my work, banking on my ego and complete belief in my superiority over others. I had projects coming left and right, then I was picked by one government consulting firm to be their point person for their projects I never told anybody of my job, even my family. 

Months passed and I continued working for this firm. I lived a life of a one-day-millionaire. I would eat at the most expensive restaurants. Buy a lot of stuff I don’t really need, but bought it because it was a status thing. Then I gambled, and gambled a lot. I never questioned the legality and morality of what I was doing. I always turned a blind eye. I was young and naïve back then. One day I was asked to join a private meeting between a certain government official and the owner and CEO of my firm. It was the first time for me to join in this kind of meeting. What happened in that conference room shocked me. See it was an election year, (wait should I be writing this?). Well I’ll leave the rest for your imagination. It hit me so hard that the very next day I quit and told them I don’t want to do anything with them anymore. Even if they still owe me more than a million I left.

So I left, I took what was left of my money and gave it to my parents, and told them about my secret life. They didn’t want to do anything with the money as they said it was “dirty money”. But I persuaded them to take it as I told them I worked hard for it and sacrificed a lot. I took some and gave it to my brother to help them with their wedding. So there was I broke and miserable. Feeling so much guilt and hate for myself. After 3 months of bumming around I found work in one of the Philippine’s big firms. It was just near our place so I decided to take the job. Now I was working for less than 15,000 a month for 5x the work load. It was difficult for me from the start but it was honest work. For a while I was satisfied with my day job. Still I was feeling this void in me that something was missing.

I had this female friend back in college, whom I courted 4 times already and got dumped every time. You could say even though we never really became more than friends, we were best friends. She was my confidant and I was her shoulder to cry on. It was the closest I had for a relationship. Anyway we still maintained our friendship despite the fact that she can never really see me as a boyfriend. She was always there for me, I guess she was the one responsible for filling the void that I was experiencing. See I loved her since the day I met her. So we spent a lot of times together. Though I promised her that I would accept the fact that we can never be a couple, I took the chance. I courted her again. I know, “what?!” Well I loved her, what can I say. Knowing that she would say no again, I braced myself. To my surprise, she consented that I may court her for a fifth time. I know, “say what?!” But it was not without a pre-requisite, she said that she would only be interested in a relationship with a member of SFC. I told myself “WHAT?! She’s got to be kidding. Me an SFC member? Now that’s scary”. But I agreed, eh mahal ko na eh, kahit ano game na! so I promised her that I would join SFC. Then she explained that it was 13 Saturdays. Shocked as I was, I didn’t mind. If it would mean that I would finally have her love. But the next CLP (Christian Life Program) was 6 months away plus 3 months for the CLP, it meant it would take at least another 9 months before she can decide if I was the one for her. I already waited 6 years and now this? I grew frustrated, my impatience got to me. I easily got angry and at times tired. But still I stayed the course. But after 4 months I grew tired and told her that I can’t do it any longer. It was too difficult already for me. Never did I expect what would happen next. She cried. But then she said in a sobbing voice, “I already love you, I always did”. And there I was speechless. She and I was now a couple. All that’s left was for me to keep my promise. 2 months later I joined the CLP. Fulfilling my promise.

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"the item"

Early today I was asked by our boss to go and buy something for him. It so happens that the thing he wanted me to buy is the very same thing I was saving money to buy for my self. I was so excited because finally I can get my hands on one of the things on my wish list to buy. So I dropped by the office to get the money from my boss and hurriedly called up several stores to check for availability. The first shop I called said all the items on my checklist were available. So I told the person on the other line that I would drop by around 1pm to buy them. I grabbed my stuff and took the money and asked one of my officemates if he was not busy if he can accompany me. Without hesitation he said yes. I guess he was getting bored at the office. On our way to Quiapo we stopped somewhere near UST to park my car at my officemate's house. From there we went to UST to catch a jeepney to go to Quiapo. But first since we were there in UST we had lunch at Almer's. Feelings of nostalgia began to fill my mind but that's a completely different story. So after eating lunch we went straight tohidalgo. There we stopped by several shops to compare prices and get the cheapest. I was getting excited already; I now have the chance to try it out before I actually buy it for myself. After some poor haggling and amateurish attempts of trying to get some freebies we settled on the shop to buy "the item". I paid almost Php 200,000 for "the item". Wow I told myself, that's a lot of money spent in less than an hour. Wow... Turning to my companion i asked "did i just spent that much money?" he answered "no, that was the boss's money". Still it made me think, was it worth it? Maybe... maybe not... after settling the bill and filling up the necessary forms. We headed back to the office. I was still excited but I felt a little bit "nanghihinayang". When we got to the office our boss was in a meeting, so I wasn't able to give him "the item". So I waited and finally around 6 the meeting ended and he approached me and asked about "the item". So sprang up from my chair full of enthusiasm and zeal. We went to his office and I demoed "the item" to him. He even commented that I looked like a kid opening his present on Christmas day. After the demo, I was surprised he said "you take it home with you tonight and study it then explain it to me tomorrow, I hate manuals". Wow! Wow! Wow! Is it true? Hahaha. So rushed out of the office took all my stuff and "the item" and went home. A little while ago I was playing with it like a kid playing with his first G.I. Joe. Then suddenly I stopped, stared at "the item"... "Was it worth it?" though it wasn't my money, I felt guilty because I was the one who influenced my boss to buy "the item". Now I had a deep feeling of guilt. I was now sad and lonely. Thinking of the 200,000. I knew it could have been put to some other use that will bring happiness to one person. Now I came to reflect on what have I been saving up for? Is it this? Is it the 200,000 peso item? Well I came to think, is God telling me something? Does this have meaning? Yes! It made me realize that if I were the one who bought it for me I would be feeling worse. He made me experience first hand the feeling of using this one thing that I wanted so much. He made me feel what it is that made me want that thing. But most important He made me feel that it would not make me the happiest person in the world. It’s just temporary satisfaction, nothing more than superficial dreams. If you ask me now if I would still buy "the item" if I could? Would I?
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doubt..

Reading today's gospel made me realize that most of my life I doubted the Lord. Just as Peter doubted Jesus in the gospel. I used to doubt a lot. “Is He listening? Does He love me? Am I really His son?” I often times see me, lost and feeling abandoned. I was so selfish that I only see is misery and sadness. Never being thankful for what is in front of me. Nothing was enough. Nothing is too much. I want everything. “No” is not acceptable. I hurt people with this kind of thinking, especially my family.. Especially my family.. Doubt, such a dubious word. A feeling of betrayal maybe? Betrayal of our trust of something? Could be. But why do we doubt? Is it because we need proof of something for it to be real? Or is it because it's so incredible that we need to see it to believe it? Sometimes those things that we don't see are the best things that happen to us. I used to be a doubter of His magnificence. I used to believe that all the things I accomplish are because I alone was responsible. I placed myself upon a pedestal claiming all the glory for myself for all the honor and prestige I have. Never stopping and thanking the Lord. Then everything was taken from me. I was down, so down that I was jobless and broke. Then I blamed God. Wow, how stupid I was back then. Taking all the credit but placing all the blame in God. Such a foolish way of thinking.

We are witnesses to his work, the little miracles He shows us should be enough for us to believe in his power. The very fact that you and I are breathing is evidence enough that his work never ceases. Sadly at times we neglect to find the true meaning of our purpose. When at times we don't get what we want, we doubt His love and we turn to blame. We forget that there must be something that He is telling us when He does not give what we ask. Remember God has plans for us. Each and every one of us has a unique role that we will play in this drama called life. It is not up to us but it is up to His will. Looking back I see my past as God's plan of preparing me for my purpose. Such a cliché but its true. Now everything I do, I do in his name. All that I am I offer to God. I know it's too whimsical, but it is what it is. I proclaim His name, I am renewed, and I am a believer.

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Ablaze!

Last week I was in Subic to be with my brothers and sisters in SFC and celebrate God's love for us. The event was SFC's Metro Manila Conference. Thousands of SFC faithful gathered and celebrated the magnificence of our God. It was a 3-day event that started from Friday July 25 up to Sunday July 27. MMC (Metro Manila Conference) kicked off Friday, though I was not able to attend Friday’s festivities I was told it was amazing capped of by a masquerade ball in the evening. My party and I left for Subic from Manila at 10pm as I was held up at the office to finish some presentations for the following week. As I won't be working during the weekend I had to finish everything before departing for the MMC. I think it was part of God's plan, He knew that my companions and I were all tired already preparing for the weekend conference. You see some of us were participants for the creative competitions. To add to that I was really sick, when I woke up early Friday morning, I was so sick that I could not get up but I had to be at work. I went to the office around 2 in the afternoon. Already late even for a half day's worth of work. Anyway back to my story, amazingly traffic was a breeze except for from pioneer to Shaw, but everything else was a breeze. We stopped at a gas station in NLEX to meet up with our chapter's convoy. Again I would like to say sorry to them, because they had to wait for us for over an hour. I honor you guys! As we were leaving to continue our trip I was remembered my mom and dad’s instruction "Anak be prepared and take care. There's a typhoon is brewing up north". Those words kept on running thru my mind as if it was telling me something other than the obvious. So we drove towards Pampanga then to Subic. We arrived around 2 in the morning in our accommodation in Subic where we were greeted by some of our brothers waiting up to show us to our rooms. We settled down for the evening at around 3am, at this point my body was so heavy already, my fever was still high and I was coughing and sneezing like there was no tomorrow. So I called my GG (God's Gift) and told her what I was feeling, she in turn told me that not to worry everything will be ok and she would pray for my health.

At 6am we all woke up to prepare for the 2nd day of the MMC. As I opened my eyes I knew something was different, I felt better, my fever was gone and I was no longer feeling the heaviness in my body. Though my annoying cough and cold was still there, I was not complaining. Immediately I prayed my morning prayer and thanked God for the blessing. After preparing myself to go to the Subic Bay Exhibition and Convention Center, the venue for the MMC, I went down the lobby to meet up with my chapter. Everybody was in the lobby because it was raining hard outside. True enough the typhoon was there in Subic with us. We waited until the rain abated to get to our cars so we may go to the venue. So we reached the venue at around 8:00 am, just in time for the opening worship. I was thinking, what a way to start the day, praying and singing for the Lord. Such a tremendous feeling of happiness and bliss filled me and my soul. Despite my irritated throat and burning sinus I was singing and praising the lord with all my might and all my heart. The spirit was indeed healing my soul not to feel my ailment and continue to praise and worship.

The day’s event continued, we attended the tongues’ workshop. A very powerful workshop, teaching the ways we can praise the Lord in our own meaningful way. A direct conversation with our Lord that only He and you will be able to understand. During the workshop we were divided into groups to further discuss the meaning and significance of praying in tongues. We shared feelings of doubt, fear and embarrassment when we try to pray in tongues. Then we prayed over each other to take away all our negativity and just give us the strength and inspiration to just let ourselves free, free to worship and praise God the way we are meant to. Inspiring messages were revealed to us as we all prayed together in tongues affirming all our prayers for peace, unity, freedom from the evil one and personal upliftment. A deeper feeling of serenity was what I felt after the workshop. My faith was further reinforced and gave me an unfailing resolve for the word of God.

Well that was just the morning’s event. The day continued to the creative competitions. I decided to watch the bounce competition, a dance competition joined by all the sectors. The room where the competition was to be held was jam-packed it was hard to see the front of the room where the competitors would showcase their talents. Nevertheless I found myself in the front just underneath the judge’s table and I was able to watch the competition with ease. God has indeed blessed his children with extra-ordinary talents. As sector after sector performed, a display of creativity and passion was showcased. Entertaining and wooing the crowd.

After the creative competitions it was now time to prepare for the evening mass followed by another session. Another powerful talk, this time about Jesus. What really stuck in my mind was the sharing of a sister from Makati. She shared how she is battling cancer and how SFC changed her life despite having cancer. Hearing her story had me thinking of how lucky I am that I am healthy and not suffering from any ailment. “Wow” I told myself, she is one strong woman, knowing that she’s dying. But still she stood there in front of thousands and proclaimed that she has surrendered her everything to the Lord. She rejected medical treatment in place of prayers and faith. Though, I do hope that she reconsiders medical treatment for her cancer. It wouldn’t hurt to increase her chances to live. But maybe I am wrong, whatever happens I still will pray for her. After the session another talk followed, a rather unexpected talk. Despite the fact that it was already late and it has been a very long day for all of us, no one would have predicted of the energy about to be shared to us. All the while listening to the talk I thought I was in a religious stand-up comedy act. I’m not saying that the sanctity of the weekend was ruined, whilst it energized everybody and inspired us to listen more and punctuated the evening leading everybody in worship. Now it was time to go back to the hotel and rest for the 3rd and last day of the conference.

Day 3, feeling of restlessness hit me. Now knowing that the MMC is about to close. And my physical sickness is still with me but I no longer am feeling the heaviness that paralleled my cough and cold. So I packed my stuff and prepared to check out of the hotel carrying this feeling with me. I met up with my chapter and again we drove off towards the venue. The day opened up with one more inspiring and powerful worship. I know I have used powerful too much but what can I say it was POWERFUL. Another talk followed, stirring once again our faith and devotion. At this point the conference is on its closing stages with the mass on its way. I had mixed feelings now. Then the mass was at the homily point, listening to the priest made me realize that with the conference coming to a close it’s not the end.. By hearing his words it reminded me of the fact that we are here seeking the kingdom of heaven. Feeling of spiritual highness during conferences should be with us even if we are done with the conference. Now I was enlightened by that day’s Sunday gospel, in seeking the kingdom of heaven we give up everything. All that we have, all that we are we trade to be with Him in His kingdom. Now I know it was just the beginning. I now know the conference was about to close. I no longer feel the restlessness, now replaced by a feeling of exhilaration. Leaving the venue I have this renewed passion for service. I do hope to be able to serve the way the speakers and sharers serve. One day I will. Time to go home, time to go back to the real world. Thinking back my mom and dad was right, a typhoon was indeed brewing up north. It wasn’t the heavy rain and the strong winds that transpired; it was the fire in the hearts of thousands of singles, men and women of the faith. The flame of serving and worshipping the Lord in our hearts was stirred and now we are all ABLAZE!

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Passion Manila

More than a year ago I joined a community called SFC (Singles for Christ). Probably the point in my life when everything changed for me. I just wanted to share to you my new found life.
Last night I attended Passion World Tour 2008 Manila held at Philsports Arena formerly ULTRA. Louie, the worship leader, talked and shared about this girl named Ashley from Florida I think. Hearing about her story made me realize I was once like her. Louie read from her journal how she was on her senior year in college, her life before knowing Jesus. Then she met Grace who changed her life. Ashley found God, she fully embraced the faith, feeling all the love and blessing. Sadly Ashley's life was cut short, she died in a car accident. It was only 3 months since her transformation, but I guess it was the best 3 months of her life. It was her experience that prompted me to share my experience from now on. To share my realization of who He is and how he loves us. Last night was amazing and was so awesome that I really felt the presence of God all around us. There was moment last night where I really felt so filled with the spirit, it was when the crowd started singing "How great is Our God". Louie and Chris, the song writer, was so surprised that they didn't believe what was going on. Everybody stood up and just started singing their hearts out. Chris even sang the song in "Tagalog". Well that was the best part of the evening's event. Thanks to the whole passion team for the experience and to my brothers & sisters in SFC who were there with me. Indeed Our God is Great!
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